Preparation

French onion soup is supposed to take hours of stirring and crying (from the onions, from your life choices, same difference). But you have a philosophy paper due and no time for traditional methods. Welcome to the rebellion.

The Accelerated French Experience

1. In your mug, combine the sliced onion, butter, and sugar. Microwave uncovered for 3 minutes.
2. Stir, then microwave another 3 minutes. The onions should be soft and starting to brown. If they're not, go another minute. We're trying to fake caramelization here—work with me.
3. Add the beef broth and soy sauce (the soy sauce is the secret—it adds depth and makes you look like you know what umami means). Microwave for 2 minutes.
4. While that's heating, toast your bread. Tear it into pieces and float them on top of the soup.
5. Lay your cheese slice over the bread, making sure it drapes over the edges of the mug like a delicious blanket.
6. Microwave for 30 seconds until the cheese melts and gets slightly bubbly.

The cheese pull you achieve will be Instagram-worthy. The fact that you made this in a microwave at 11 PM will remain between us. Eat it slowly while pretending you're in a Parisian café and not avoiding your responsibilities.